There are a lot of things I want to share out, but never got a chance, sometimes I feel why it is so?? Why I am such?? Everyone around me is happy, have friends, but me so lonely….always the situation was same for me but earlier I had an answer for it, but now I don’t have one. Time has gone so tough for me that even I can’t share few things with myself coz I can’t perfectly put it together, they all are fallen here n there and I can’t put it together, I can’t…..though I tried to but then I realized I can’t, coz even I don’t know answers of few questions…and who will believe me?? Who?? No one can understand my pain, my condition, if I try to say out, my friends will say vinu you are thinking much, it’s all your minds illusion, and if I say to him he will say I don’t trust you a bit and you need a psychic session, I don’t know how and whom I can share my confusions.

I know I have done a lot of mistakes, I can realize it but I can’t speak it out, coz it’s something which I am not getting with, sometimes I want to forget it, and move ahead but they are not allowing me, I only know, I am not a bad person nor I did anything to hurt anyone, even I don’t know why it all happened, what wrong I did, if you ask me why you did it, I don’t have an answer for it coz I can’t identify it and if you say how cant you identify your own mistakes, then even I have no answer for it….

I only know something happened out of my control, somewhere I have lost myself, I need a hand, I need a support, I am not a bad person, never thought bad for anyone, somewhere in a desperate need of doing correct things and ending up something, I have again been under the influence of an illusion, a wrong. But is it true??? Oh god I will go mad, sometime I wonder I am mad, but I am not, I know everything but it is I can’t accept coz it’s not me again.

Say who can understand me here, no one, and now it has increased coz when I see him in pain, I can’t forgive myself, I feel it’s all due to me, how can I be jerk, how can I be so selfish but d truth, I have not done anything in a wrong thinking for him, or if I did something I was not in my control, and if I confess out then the truth is I can’t confess coz I don’t know much things, and if I say that un linked things he won’t trust me and he will be hurt…I don’t know what to do.

Oh god, at least help me out, pls from dis burden pls, I sometime wonder everything getting fine, and again me getting myself back, but now I feel it will never happen again, I wish tht once let everything gets over, for once I can get everything all right, for once he can understand me, trust me forgetting d past, coz I know he can make it perfect as once he made, but now I know dis also he don’t trust me, and he will not try for it also……

Hmmm…..

MY FIRST LESSON TO MYSELF………………….”PATIENCE”.

Always my family has taught me, patience is the key to success, without patience life turns out be like an empty vessel, which can make only noises, but of no use.

Patience is needed when we know who we are and what we are doing, if we know this then patience is only key to our success, impatience not only makes us disappointed, it also takes away the self confidence we have in our self.

When life is ours then its choices is also ours. Before, every morning I used to get up and used to wish me good morning and used to say to myself, it’s a new day, forget the past, and the bad happened but remember today is a new day but tomorrow again this today will became a past but the difference now you have is a choice to make it a good day or a bad day!!!

So was I, but with time I lost it, every day turned out to be same for me, without any expectation, impatient….. but why to worry, as said” it’s good to late than never”.

My first lesson by my Teacher, hmm, it’s tough but not impossible, after a long time again I said this to me. From yesterday one thing is going in my mind, that may be by saying him all that thing on that night was a wrong deed I did, and my heart wants to ask for sorry, but then I realized no, not now, what I said it’s over, if he has felt bad now I can’t change it, but if I ask for sorry now, it will simply disturb him now, so I shouldn’t. should wait for the correct time, it’s true, somewhere on that speak with him, I must have said something wrong, must have interrupted, or as usual must not have given him a chance of speaking, but it’s not the right time to ask sorry!!!

Hmm, so my first step to my learning will wait till the correct time and will say sorry!!!

UNTITLED!!!

“U ARE NOT A STRANGER TO ME, I KNOW YOU BY YOUR HEART, I HAVE NO SHIT TO DO WITH YOUR COLOR, AND BEAUTY”

In the entire talk, I have given him his space, coz he was correct in every words, but when he said this, I interrupted and he allowed me, it’s true that he never liked me or disliked me due to my color or my beauty, he loved me as I am, and that’s the reason he has became so close to my heart. For first time I got selfless love from someone, a true care!!!

But I interrupted, and its true I said him yes with his verdict coz he was true with the later one, but knowing my heart, then NO, he also never tried to know my heart….that’s why may be when he didn’t knew me, was not close to me, respected me the most but when came close to me, when the difficulties arose, he lost that respect and trust for me.

I didn’t said him this, nor continued that topic coz I feared, I will speak my heart out and really I didn’t wanted to end that session with any emotions, so I kept it in my heart.

No one ever tried to know me by my heart, its true I am complicated but not to that extent, that no one can know me, no one can love me…..coz I know my heart, how childish it is, how fun loving it is, it also wishes to be a part of crowd, to move around, to talk the things out but maybe I never gave it that chance. In the close rooms my life completed, now my mummy says me why I always close the room and sit alone, why I don’t talk to them? Why I am so lonely? But don’t they think it’s too late to ask this question?? When I wanted them to listen me, I never got it, I slowly kept myself away from everyone, no one asked me what I feel, how I feel?? My choices?? My sadness?? Its not their fault also, time has forced them to do that, to give us all luxuries they worked day n night, though I am not that unlucky, I used to share things with my mummy, and she used to listen it patiently but with time things changed, and lot of things changed.

Responsibilities increased, love got divided, time also got its responsibility, and me left alone, may be at that time I have started loving my silence, my loneliness, and it became my ultimate.

When he came things changed, he knew me but not by my heart, he only knew me by his eyes, its true he wanted to know me always, had the patience but never had he got the chance. Not his fault, my destiny, I am born to be alone, but now this loneliness have dreamt of love and care, and when it gets lost it hurts, but its life!! Should go on as it is blessed.

Only want to grow up now, if it was possible for a 6yrs old girl, will it be tough for a 23 yr girl, It won’t be, may take some time but it will again come to me, the journey was nice but……in a try to know a stupid girl like me, he lost himself. Hmm, wished that night to listen him, thought of asking him again what he wanted to say, do he really know my heart, but then thought no I should let him go!!! Something should be left as it is…….

Want to start a new life, don’t know how it will turn, when before 16 yrs, a small heart thought of it, it turned out to be the strong, lonely, and silent, don’t know what it will turn out now, but whatever it will be I will love it as I loved it earlier, want to get back my maturity, my calmness, my love for others, care to listen them, I want all that back but not as it was, coz I realized I never got it in full sense, that’s why it got lost when it was tested, this time I want it in full sense, in an experience way, so that I can live my life again without any guilt, blames, and wishes.

AN UNCONDITIONAL WAIT!!!!

I don't know how i said you all that things in a such a few minutes, it took a long time for me to analyze and and to find it correct, every time i thought of speaking out, it came out as something else, sometimes as pain of separation, sometimes as blames, sometimes as curse, but after every end i was again left with lot of unsaid words, i used to wonder what is left now....and again i started the journey, but finally when i thought of again saying you, i was stopped by my mind but some where an inner voice said me no its time when i should, and finally i said what i really meant of you.

you listened to me patiently, i don't know how much you understood me, or again someday you will say i again tried to change your dimension, you were silent,but that silence of yours have said me a lot of things but truth is i cant identify it now, i am trying but its not getting clear.

i know i may have said something wrong, something weird, may have interrupted you in between, but i hope you forgive me for it, i didn't came to give you lectures rather to true i even didn't remember now what and how much i said to you, but i know one thing my heart is not wandering any more, its painful but somewhere i feel i have done justice. I have said the truth of my heart!!!

love as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way you feel that is right for you. It is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone that I or others think you should be.
I realize that I cannot know what is best for you although perhaps sometimes I think I do. I've not been where you have been, viewing life from that angle you have, I do not know what you have chosen to learn how you have chosen to learn it with whom or in what time period. I have not walked life looking through your eyes so how can
I know what you need.

I allow you to be in the world without a thought or word of judgment from me about the deeds you undertake.
I see no error in the things you say and do, in this place where I am. I see that there are many ways to perceive
and experience the different facets of our world. I allow without reservation the choices you make in each moment.

I make no judgment of this for if I were to deny your right to evolution than I would deny that right to myself and all others. Now i believe as I love you so I shall be loved, as I sow,
so I shall reap.
I allow you, in our love, the universal right of free will to walk your own path, creating steps or to sit a while if that is what is right for you. I will make no judgment of these steps, whether they are large or small, nor light or heavy or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint.

I cannot always see the higher picture of divine order. For it is the inalienable right of all life to choose their own evolution and with great love I acknowledge your right to determine your future. In humility I bow to the realization that the way I see is best for me does not have to mean that it is also right for you. .

I I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the whole. I know that if there were only one way to do something, there would need to be only one person. I will not only love you if you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in, I understand you are truly a perfect human as you are.

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LOVED IT.............

What Actually Love Is

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in
the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still
you care for him,
it's when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.

The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms
and cries when you cry
turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,
that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go
through life without it.