UNTITLED!!!

“U ARE NOT A STRANGER TO ME, I KNOW YOU BY YOUR HEART, I HAVE NO SHIT TO DO WITH YOUR COLOR, AND BEAUTY”

In the entire talk, I have given him his space, coz he was correct in every words, but when he said this, I interrupted and he allowed me, it’s true that he never liked me or disliked me due to my color or my beauty, he loved me as I am, and that’s the reason he has became so close to my heart. For first time I got selfless love from someone, a true care!!!

But I interrupted, and its true I said him yes with his verdict coz he was true with the later one, but knowing my heart, then NO, he also never tried to know my heart….that’s why may be when he didn’t knew me, was not close to me, respected me the most but when came close to me, when the difficulties arose, he lost that respect and trust for me.

I didn’t said him this, nor continued that topic coz I feared, I will speak my heart out and really I didn’t wanted to end that session with any emotions, so I kept it in my heart.

No one ever tried to know me by my heart, its true I am complicated but not to that extent, that no one can know me, no one can love me…..coz I know my heart, how childish it is, how fun loving it is, it also wishes to be a part of crowd, to move around, to talk the things out but maybe I never gave it that chance. In the close rooms my life completed, now my mummy says me why I always close the room and sit alone, why I don’t talk to them? Why I am so lonely? But don’t they think it’s too late to ask this question?? When I wanted them to listen me, I never got it, I slowly kept myself away from everyone, no one asked me what I feel, how I feel?? My choices?? My sadness?? Its not their fault also, time has forced them to do that, to give us all luxuries they worked day n night, though I am not that unlucky, I used to share things with my mummy, and she used to listen it patiently but with time things changed, and lot of things changed.

Responsibilities increased, love got divided, time also got its responsibility, and me left alone, may be at that time I have started loving my silence, my loneliness, and it became my ultimate.

When he came things changed, he knew me but not by my heart, he only knew me by his eyes, its true he wanted to know me always, had the patience but never had he got the chance. Not his fault, my destiny, I am born to be alone, but now this loneliness have dreamt of love and care, and when it gets lost it hurts, but its life!! Should go on as it is blessed.

Only want to grow up now, if it was possible for a 6yrs old girl, will it be tough for a 23 yr girl, It won’t be, may take some time but it will again come to me, the journey was nice but……in a try to know a stupid girl like me, he lost himself. Hmm, wished that night to listen him, thought of asking him again what he wanted to say, do he really know my heart, but then thought no I should let him go!!! Something should be left as it is…….

Want to start a new life, don’t know how it will turn, when before 16 yrs, a small heart thought of it, it turned out to be the strong, lonely, and silent, don’t know what it will turn out now, but whatever it will be I will love it as I loved it earlier, want to get back my maturity, my calmness, my love for others, care to listen them, I want all that back but not as it was, coz I realized I never got it in full sense, that’s why it got lost when it was tested, this time I want it in full sense, in an experience way, so that I can live my life again without any guilt, blames, and wishes.